I’m taking an extended vacation…

You probably want to know what exotic destination might be in store. Well, the fact is I'm not planning to go anywhere. I'm taking a vacation from the “shoulds." I am finding them to be quite sneaky in how they still find a way to run the show at times.  So I’m taking a focused and intentional summer vacation from them.

How did I come to this? There are many things I have wanted to do this spring and summer, or  thought were “important” to do--whether for income, ongoing learning, connection with friends and family, or self-growth. The whirlwind of the past several months has been easing slightly, yet I was still feeling a bit of overwhelm. How can I fit it all in and still maintain reasonable self-care and a sense of balance? Body symptoms and my acupuncturist were all pointing (repeatedly) to the wisdom of slowing down…taking a break.

I found myself aching for a significant chunk of time off work to rest and rejuvenate. The word sabbatical came to me. But what would a sabbatical look like? No clients? No group events? No consulting work? No part-time side job? What exactly do I need a break from? And how do I pay the bills when I don’t get paid time off? (Honestly, these are the ongoing challenges of solo-entrepreneurs and those working low-paying jobs without benefits.)

I’ve been doing my best to simply sit with the questions, noticing when my mind wants to "fix it"--to figure it all out and come up with a solution. Times like these are when I am most grateful for the mindfulness practices I have learned over the years, and am also able to see more clearly how much they assist me in maintaining a sense of balance and calm in the midst of life's ups and downs. (This is also why I'm so thrilled to be consulting as a Program Associate with the Center for Mindful Awareness in Baltimore!) Being able to pause and let go of that urge to come up with a quick fix allows me to step back, see the whole picture, and listen deeply in the unknowing for how best to proceed.

Typically, I would stew over these questions for weeks and months, never getting to the break I was longing for due to indecisiveness that shows up when I am caught up in my monkey mind. This time, as I let myself sit in the questions, I began to notice that the weight of overwhelm was really driven by shoulds rather than any one particular thing I’m doing. The shoulds show up in so many ways: others nudging me to offer a certain class, well-intended advice from a friend or colleague, or my own internal pressure to do more with my business, and certainly more marketing and better newsletters!

What if I took a step back and focused on discerning what is a should as compared to what I really want to do? And dropped anything that’s a should? What if I made decisions about what to do from my heart instead of my head?

The weight began to lift, and my body felt lighter. A summer free of the shoulds felt like the vacation I most need!

Meanwhile, a few tweaks in my schedule have been taking effect, helping to provide more routine and predictability to my weeks, and my body reminded me again to keep slowing down with some lower back pain!  I am looking forward to a should-free summer. It brings the focus within me, which I know is where it needs to be right now-- to pay attention to my motivations, my desires, and how my mind deludes me into thinking I “have to”  or I “want to” for reasons that are not really true. It means getting to know myself better…from the inside out.

That’s the extended vacation I am looking forward to! No more inner battles and obsessive thoughts about what to do. No more stress about needing to "figure it out." No more feeling split and pulled in a million different directions. No more do-ing that isn't in alignment with my be-ing. No more. I want to free up that energy for more creative and productive pursuits that serve me and everyone around me. I'd love some companions on the journey. Who wants to join me on this vacation?! 

So, consider this a vacation notice: You may not see newsletters or blogs like I’ve done them in the past. The thought that I should keep doing them the same way--that others expect it now, so I must deliver!--is one of those shoulds that has been sneakily running the show a bit. Instead, I feel excited to send out smaller, shorter announcements or reflections … whenever I am motivated to from the inside. I might not offer any more Reiki classes until the fall. I may take the whole month of August off from any group events. We'll see where my heart leads me.

What I love most is the freedom on the inside, as I recognize the unreasonable expectations I've had for myself...and the deflating self-judgment when I didn't live up to those expectations. As I let go of all that pressure...aaahhh… what relief! I have a feeling I won’t ever return from this vacation…

It's All Within You

Recently I was interviewed by a college student doing a project on food transitions. As someone with a wide variety of training in nutrition, plenty of experience with my own food transitions, and a fascination with how we are influenced in our decision-making around food, I was eager to do the interview. I didn't think about or prepare anything in particular ahead of time, and was pleasantly surprised by the theme that emerged from our conversation. As I reflected with my interviewer on all I've learned over the years, I kept coming back to the word "within." And while we were focusing on the topic of food, I sensed the holographic connection to all areas of life.

We are bombarded daily with messages about what we "should" eat, or how to be "healthy." From profit-motivated ads and commercials to research-driven advice or your aunt's well-intentioned suggestions... it's practically impossible to avoid being influenced by the media, someone else's opinion/experience, or the latest fad diet or "expert." The amusing (or sad, depending how you look at it) thing is that 100 years ago, people weren't looking for guidance about what to eat! In less than a century we have lost touch with the wisdom of our bodies, the rhythms of the land and seasons, and are easily overwhelmed by the myriad of choices coming at us from profit-driven factories around the world.

Lately, I've noticed myself turning to external sources for the "answers" to my health challenges and life questions. It's a natural tendency that creeps up again and again, since I've been conditioned for so many years to look outside myself for the quick fix. Yet I know my body and heart have the answers when I get still and connected enough to listen above the cacaphony of external voices. (I'm not saying there isn't a place for support from others, even doctors. I simply think we've lost the balance that would best serve our own health and the health of the planet.)

It's past time to turn our modern relationship to food and nature upside-down... returning to the the wisdom and guidance within. Here are a few practices I have used and taught over the years:

• Pay attention to how you feel after eating a particular food and learn from it.
• Take 3 deep breaths before each meal, connecting to the energy of gratitude in your heart.
• Slow down and pay attention enough to actually taste and savor each bite, allowing it to nourish you deeply on physical and non-physical levels. (This means turning off the TV or getting away from the computer!)
• Start your day (or pause in the midst of it) with a few minutes of mindfulness/meditation to calm your busy mind and connect to your center.

I would be a much more agitated and unhappy person without practices like these in my life. Some days they are easier than others. Some days I forget and get wrapped up in my thoughts and worries. Each day, each moment, is an opportunity to return and begin again.

What I took away from my food-related interview was a deeper level of conviction that the answers to our nutritional dilemmas--and ultimately, all of our questions in life--lie within us. The seed of Divine wisdom is there, in each and every person. The journey of life is about watering and tending that seed, so that it grows to it's fullest potential, expressed through the symphonic gift of the individual.

May deeper connection to the God-seed within guide you peacefully in all ways.

With great-fullness,
Andrea

Springing Into Song

The energy of Springtime is rising, despite Winter hanging on and pelting us in the Mid-Atlantic with yet more snow. The new life in and around us is pushing and yearning to see the light of day. It can be frustrating in the darkness before breaking ground to meet the sun's warmth. And aahhhh... the relief when it does!  I felt the rush of joy within me today as I noticed a crocus for the first time, and then saw nearly 20 robins hopping about a patch of grass near a busy intersection. The signs are here....within and without.

Within me, I've noticed the nudges of spring energy and new life. I am giving birth this month to something that has been on my mind for many months: Singing Meditation. I've gone back and forth, up and down, doing my best to discern if this is something to give energy to, and if so... when, where, how? 

The clarity slowly emerged from various experiences in spaces that take me beyond the chatter of my mind to a deeper, heart-centered place. I've paid attention to the times I am most deeply moved, to when my emotions are stirred, and when I feel most alive. For me, that is around singing. I can't deny it or explain it away any more. I am inspired by music, uplifted when I sing, and transported when toning with others during the Deep Resonance sessions I facilitate.

Music expresses that which can not be put into words  

and that which cannot remain silent.     

     ~ Victor Hugo 1802-1885

So, now I am thrilled to introduce a space where we can share the healing power of our voices and silent meditation. You can find more details about it here. Let me be honest about the clarity, though. I'm only clear that, like the recording of my CD several years ago, this is the next step for me to take. I don't know exactly what it will be like or where it is leading. I simply know it's time to spring into song... and I welcome you to join me in the mystery and adventure! (No singing experience or expertise required.)

What is the Springtime energy stirring within you? What is wanting to be birthed in or through you? Let go and allow the gift to emerge--even in the presence of fear and uncertainty.

I'd love to hear about it...and I'm here to support you!