The Illusion of Balance

As we near the Autumnal Equinox this Saturday, I've been reflecting on balance. I often hear myself and others talk about balance as something we strive to attain. It is common to think that once we attain it, we should be able to maintain it as well...as though there is some elusive, static state of balance to arrive at.

Life and nature teach us differently. The time point of the equinox signifies a balance between the hours of light and dark in a day--from the Latin aequus (equal) and nox (night). However, it is a brief point in time ... a passing, literally, of the center of the Sun across the Earth's equator. Most of the year,
we are living in an imbalance of light and dark. So, too, in our lives, there is no "perfect balance" to be attained. As the yin/yang symbol illustrates so beautifully, life is in constant motion.

Living well is about dancing with the complementary energies all around us. There are certainly moments when we experience balance. However, the ever-changing and evolving nature of life means that those moments will pass. When we can let go of the illusion that balance is something to achieve and maintain, it allows for greater ease. By not resisting what is showing up in the moment and simply allowing it to be what it is, we can remember that this, too, will pass.

So, I invite you to notice where you are striving for the illusive "balance" in your life, and simply let it go, accepting that where you are right now is perfect ... and knowing that it will continue to change and evolve. I notice that when I relax and stop beating myself up for not maintaining a perfect balance of work and relaxation, giving to others and self-care, or activity and stillness ... my breath deepens, my shoulders relax, and I am definitely a happier person, regardless of whether I ate or exercised perfectly, got in my ideal "down time," or checked everything off my to-do list!

I'll be celebrating the Equinox this weekend, appreciating the areas of my life where I am feeling balanced, and at the same time, letting go of needing to control or maintain them as such. Life is in constant motion. Let's choose to dance with it!

upside-down professionalism

Here we are, only a week after the barrage of holiday and New Year festivities, which for most involves a plethora of cookies, chocolate, alcohol, and miscellaneous sugar-laden treats. While I managed to get through the season without receiving a candy cane attached to a card (as a matter of fact, I don’t think I even saw a candy cane this year), I still need to admit: I over-did it. After several weeks of sliding into loose boundaries with my sugar, wheat and dairy intake, my body has been talking to me in ways I don’t enjoy. The digestive woes, stiff joints in the morning, scratchy throat, mildly stuffy sinuses, extra dry skin and facial breakouts are what I’ve come to recognize as warning signs that my eating has gotten out of balance.

There—I said it. I got out of balance and was eating way more food than my body wants or needs, and making poor choices. (If you know me and were holding me up as a nutrition saint, now you know I’m not perfect!) While my close friends and family see me enjoying sugar-laden desserts and over-eating at times, it’s not easy to admit to an audience that includes clients and potential clients. Yet, I find a wonderful freedom in speaking the truth. I know I’m not perfect and I don’t want to hide behind a mask that I am.

It’s interesting to me that even though I teach an approach of moderation and not labeling foods as “good” or “bad,” I still have resistance to admitting that I’ve overdone it with foods I know don’t make me feel well. Perhaps this is strong evidence of how modern culture has moralized food. And perhaps, too, I’ve created a story that if I encourage my clients to be listening to their bodies and minimizing the processed foods that don’t make them feel well, I should be perfect at doing that myself. (Hmmm, there's that should word again, a trusty red flag.) On one hand it seems reasonable—I certainly want to be someone who walks her talk. Yet on the other hand, who is perfect? As a great teacher once said, "Let them cast the first stone."

Where did this expectation come from that someone providing a professional service must be squeaky clean …as though they’ve “arrived” at some state of perfection? I certainly have heaped that expectation on myself time and time again, striving for that perfect state of eating and balance that seems to elude us all. And while I prefer to be tended by professionals who walk their talk, I have also fallen prey to the common practice of putting that expectation on professionals who serve me…and when they occasionally step outside the typical rules around self-disclosure to share their own stories and shortcomings, I breathe a sigh of relief, and feel the tension in my gut and shoulders melt away, as I am reminded of their humanness and imperfections.

Might a more upside-down approach of being real and honest about our experiences as professionals serve our clients in a deeper way? While there’s a fine line here between sharing our experiences appropriately and inappropriately, I think the typical “sage on a stage” approach that focuses on “fixing” the client or the symptom does more harm than good. Personally, I resist and close down when someone fires advice and “shoulds” at me, as though if I just did _____, everything would be fine and dandy. I usually don’t want to go back to see that person, and I hear similar reports from my clients. On the contrary, when they partner with me without judgment, and share their human side, I am less likely to be overly hard on myself, and can move beyond my perceived shortcomings to accomplish what I’m aiming for, to the best of my ability.

Such is the type of support I aim to provide to my clients: heart-centered, real, and authentic, with the central aim of serving and empowering them in their unique process toward greater authenticity and freedom, health and happiness. I am certainly a beginner at this. I’m counting the past several weeks of sugar addiction as a valuable lesson (rather than a moral failure) that provided me with a wake-up call to my own eating issues, gave me a greater understanding for my clients’ struggles, and revealed a motivating contrast to how I’ll feel after a few sugar-free days. Now ... on to the detox!