I’m taking an extended vacation…

You probably want to know what exotic destination might be in store. Well, the fact is I'm not planning to go anywhere. I'm taking a vacation from the “shoulds." I am finding them to be quite sneaky in how they still find a way to run the show at times.  So I’m taking a focused and intentional summer vacation from them.

How did I come to this? There are many things I have wanted to do this spring and summer, or  thought were “important” to do--whether for income, ongoing learning, connection with friends and family, or self-growth. The whirlwind of the past several months has been easing slightly, yet I was still feeling a bit of overwhelm. How can I fit it all in and still maintain reasonable self-care and a sense of balance? Body symptoms and my acupuncturist were all pointing (repeatedly) to the wisdom of slowing down…taking a break.

I found myself aching for a significant chunk of time off work to rest and rejuvenate. The word sabbatical came to me. But what would a sabbatical look like? No clients? No group events? No consulting work? No part-time side job? What exactly do I need a break from? And how do I pay the bills when I don’t get paid time off? (Honestly, these are the ongoing challenges of solo-entrepreneurs and those working low-paying jobs without benefits.)

I’ve been doing my best to simply sit with the questions, noticing when my mind wants to "fix it"--to figure it all out and come up with a solution. Times like these are when I am most grateful for the mindfulness practices I have learned over the years, and am also able to see more clearly how much they assist me in maintaining a sense of balance and calm in the midst of life's ups and downs. (This is also why I'm so thrilled to be consulting as a Program Associate with the Center for Mindful Awareness in Baltimore!) Being able to pause and let go of that urge to come up with a quick fix allows me to step back, see the whole picture, and listen deeply in the unknowing for how best to proceed.

Typically, I would stew over these questions for weeks and months, never getting to the break I was longing for due to indecisiveness that shows up when I am caught up in my monkey mind. This time, as I let myself sit in the questions, I began to notice that the weight of overwhelm was really driven by shoulds rather than any one particular thing I’m doing. The shoulds show up in so many ways: others nudging me to offer a certain class, well-intended advice from a friend or colleague, or my own internal pressure to do more with my business, and certainly more marketing and better newsletters!

What if I took a step back and focused on discerning what is a should as compared to what I really want to do? And dropped anything that’s a should? What if I made decisions about what to do from my heart instead of my head?

The weight began to lift, and my body felt lighter. A summer free of the shoulds felt like the vacation I most need!

Meanwhile, a few tweaks in my schedule have been taking effect, helping to provide more routine and predictability to my weeks, and my body reminded me again to keep slowing down with some lower back pain!  I am looking forward to a should-free summer. It brings the focus within me, which I know is where it needs to be right now-- to pay attention to my motivations, my desires, and how my mind deludes me into thinking I “have to”  or I “want to” for reasons that are not really true. It means getting to know myself better…from the inside out.

That’s the extended vacation I am looking forward to! No more inner battles and obsessive thoughts about what to do. No more stress about needing to "figure it out." No more feeling split and pulled in a million different directions. No more do-ing that isn't in alignment with my be-ing. No more. I want to free up that energy for more creative and productive pursuits that serve me and everyone around me. I'd love some companions on the journey. Who wants to join me on this vacation?! 

So, consider this a vacation notice: You may not see newsletters or blogs like I’ve done them in the past. The thought that I should keep doing them the same way--that others expect it now, so I must deliver!--is one of those shoulds that has been sneakily running the show a bit. Instead, I feel excited to send out smaller, shorter announcements or reflections … whenever I am motivated to from the inside. I might not offer any more Reiki classes until the fall. I may take the whole month of August off from any group events. We'll see where my heart leads me.

What I love most is the freedom on the inside, as I recognize the unreasonable expectations I've had for myself...and the deflating self-judgment when I didn't live up to those expectations. As I let go of all that pressure...aaahhh… what relief! I have a feeling I won’t ever return from this vacation…

It's All Within You

Recently I was interviewed by a college student doing a project on food transitions. As someone with a wide variety of training in nutrition, plenty of experience with my own food transitions, and a fascination with how we are influenced in our decision-making around food, I was eager to do the interview. I didn't think about or prepare anything in particular ahead of time, and was pleasantly surprised by the theme that emerged from our conversation. As I reflected with my interviewer on all I've learned over the years, I kept coming back to the word "within." And while we were focusing on the topic of food, I sensed the holographic connection to all areas of life.

We are bombarded daily with messages about what we "should" eat, or how to be "healthy." From profit-motivated ads and commercials to research-driven advice or your aunt's well-intentioned suggestions... it's practically impossible to avoid being influenced by the media, someone else's opinion/experience, or the latest fad diet or "expert." The amusing (or sad, depending how you look at it) thing is that 100 years ago, people weren't looking for guidance about what to eat! In less than a century we have lost touch with the wisdom of our bodies, the rhythms of the land and seasons, and are easily overwhelmed by the myriad of choices coming at us from profit-driven factories around the world.

Lately, I've noticed myself turning to external sources for the "answers" to my health challenges and life questions. It's a natural tendency that creeps up again and again, since I've been conditioned for so many years to look outside myself for the quick fix. Yet I know my body and heart have the answers when I get still and connected enough to listen above the cacaphony of external voices. (I'm not saying there isn't a place for support from others, even doctors. I simply think we've lost the balance that would best serve our own health and the health of the planet.)

It's past time to turn our modern relationship to food and nature upside-down... returning to the the wisdom and guidance within. Here are a few practices I have used and taught over the years:

• Pay attention to how you feel after eating a particular food and learn from it.
• Take 3 deep breaths before each meal, connecting to the energy of gratitude in your heart.
• Slow down and pay attention enough to actually taste and savor each bite, allowing it to nourish you deeply on physical and non-physical levels. (This means turning off the TV or getting away from the computer!)
• Start your day (or pause in the midst of it) with a few minutes of mindfulness/meditation to calm your busy mind and connect to your center.

I would be a much more agitated and unhappy person without practices like these in my life. Some days they are easier than others. Some days I forget and get wrapped up in my thoughts and worries. Each day, each moment, is an opportunity to return and begin again.

What I took away from my food-related interview was a deeper level of conviction that the answers to our nutritional dilemmas--and ultimately, all of our questions in life--lie within us. The seed of Divine wisdom is there, in each and every person. The journey of life is about watering and tending that seed, so that it grows to it's fullest potential, expressed through the symphonic gift of the individual.

May deeper connection to the God-seed within guide you peacefully in all ways.

With great-fullness,
Andrea

Springing Into Song

The energy of Springtime is rising, despite Winter hanging on and pelting us in the Mid-Atlantic with yet more snow. The new life in and around us is pushing and yearning to see the light of day. It can be frustrating in the darkness before breaking ground to meet the sun's warmth. And aahhhh... the relief when it does!  I felt the rush of joy within me today as I noticed a crocus for the first time, and then saw nearly 20 robins hopping about a patch of grass near a busy intersection. The signs are here....within and without.

Within me, I've noticed the nudges of spring energy and new life. I am giving birth this month to something that has been on my mind for many months: Singing Meditation. I've gone back and forth, up and down, doing my best to discern if this is something to give energy to, and if so... when, where, how? 

The clarity slowly emerged from various experiences in spaces that take me beyond the chatter of my mind to a deeper, heart-centered place. I've paid attention to the times I am most deeply moved, to when my emotions are stirred, and when I feel most alive. For me, that is around singing. I can't deny it or explain it away any more. I am inspired by music, uplifted when I sing, and transported when toning with others during the Deep Resonance sessions I facilitate.

Music expresses that which can not be put into words  

and that which cannot remain silent.     

     ~ Victor Hugo 1802-1885

So, now I am thrilled to introduce a space where we can share the healing power of our voices and silent meditation. You can find more details about it here. Let me be honest about the clarity, though. I'm only clear that, like the recording of my CD several years ago, this is the next step for me to take. I don't know exactly what it will be like or where it is leading. I simply know it's time to spring into song... and I welcome you to join me in the mystery and adventure! (No singing experience or expertise required.)

What is the Springtime energy stirring within you? What is wanting to be birthed in or through you? Let go and allow the gift to emerge--even in the presence of fear and uncertainty.

I'd love to hear about it...and I'm here to support you!

Turning overwhelm upside-down

This post is evidence of a re-commitment. It's all too often I fall off the band wagon of my good intentions. Thankfully, falling off is not the point.

The point is...  Can I pick myself up, dust myself off, let go of self-judgment about it, and get back on the wagon?

I can do that relatively well at times, and other times it requires loving support from someone, or even a good kick in the pants. This time it was loving support--from a friend/colleague checking in with me, as we had arranged last week, for mutual support on a goal--and helping me see the self-judgment that was creeping in. Once I could see it, I was able to let it go and nimbly hop back on the wagon.

The wagon I speak of today represents a return to the practice of "chunking it down" -- an approach to overwhelm (yes, I'll admit I hit that place more often than I would like) that Betsy Wexler (a colleague who expertly combines organization support with therapy and Buddhist principles) has been supporting me in applying more consistently in my life. It's a process of turning those old habits upside-down.

When there's a task or project that I keep putting off, it's usually because I am overwhelmed by it and think I need a whole day (or even a week) to tackle it. Who has that kind of time?! So, I procrastinate or entertain excuses why it's not important. We're talking about the basic stuff of life here. The pile of clothing (that simply needs a button replaced or a hole mended--which I'm perfectly capable of doing) just doesn't seem important enough to warrant my attention right now. Those stacks of last year's finance records can wait--I'll get to it eventually. And the basket full of business cards--oh my! Is it even worth putting them all in a database? What kind of system is best? At least I have them all contained here in the basket so I know where to go if I need to find someone. Until I can't... and the basket is overflowing, and it takes excessive time to dig through and find someone's info.

That's when the unnecessary suffering shows up and overwhelm easily sets in. Bringing me to my new practice of chunking overwhelming tasks down:  setting a short time frame to work on it, and committing to doing it on a regular basis. So, today it's 30 minutes to write a blog. If I'm not done at 30 minutes, I'll stop (yikes, that's the hard part if I'm on a roll!) and come back to it tomorrow. I'm working on the same for my basket of biz cards and emptying my overloaded Inbox -- just 10 minutes a day, and it will eventually get done without feeling overwhelming. And the larger projects when I do have a couple hours... I work for 45 minutes, with a 15 minute break, then another 45 and 15. Well, that's my intention, anyway. I haven't tackled that approach solidly yet. However, I do have the intention to this week.
 ____________

OK... so now it's the next day. It feels good to revisit this essentially complete blog I wrote in only 30 minutes (wow--that's a record for this recovering perfectionist!), give it a few editorial tweaks, and be done.

And the 45-minute chunk I gave myself yesterday to tackle the stacks of receipts from the last year (actually, I think it was two years) that were cluttering a cubby hole in my office? Done! I'm breathing easier with that clear space in my environment.

Here's to turning old habitual ways upside-down, with focused commitment and follow-through... and the loving support from within and without to make it happen!

What will you commit to today?

Occupying My Dream

I am starting to live my dream. Literally.

Last week I was grateful to be at the debut screening of the film Occupy Love here in Baltimore. Several words and phrases jumped off the screen as they resonated deeply with visions, images and ideas that have been stirring within me for years - new ways of expressing and inviting us to that which is being born in the world at this time of great chaos and great potential.

“Imagine non-monetary abundance” was the first one I wrote down. It was on a cardboard sign someone was carrying in the crowd of people at an Occupy event. What a perfect phrase to capture what I am super passionate about... and what is also at the core of the non-profit I started, Community Supported Wellness. (More on that in a bit.)

I am humbled and inspired by the ways I've been experiencing non-monetary abundance in my life recently. After getting clear that a change of my living location is important to pursue in the near future, a more-than-I-could-ask-or-imagine place showed up within 5 minutes of sending an email to friends asking for leads and connections. Then, soon after I had been entertaining fears about finding enough people and not having the funds to hire others, several friends volunteered out of the blue to help me move. Several “coincidences” nudged me to show up at the Occupy Love screening despite there being a super long list of things to get done at home... and within minutes of being there, I bumped into an acquaintance who I didn't know has non-profit consulting experience and offered to join my advisory board before I could even get the words out of my mouth to ask! And the love, connection, community, resources and opportunities that flowed from the sharing and discussion time after the film.

These are a few of the cornucopia opening up in recent weeks. I could go on and on.

And, I'm no one special. I didn't do anything to deserve these gifts any more than someone else. I've spent more hours, days, weeks and months of my life stuck in fearful scarcity-based thinking that blocked me from believing I could receive so much abundance without it being attached to or somehow made possible by a flow of money.

At the same time, I recognize that it's not totally random either. I have been doing the inner work to let go of that fear, and the self-limiting beliefs and societal conditioning that one needs to have lots of money to be happy or experience abundance. Abundance is actually what we are at our core. But more on that another time...

As Community Supported Wellness has been slowly evolving over recent years, I occasionally thought that perhaps the simple living-out of the dream and vision - of connection to ourselves, each other and the Earth in ways that wake us up to the “non-monetary abundance” in and around us to the point that “poverty” is no longer a useful term - that imagining and even living that day to day is perhaps more powerful than developing programs and chasing grant money to do them.

Perhaps there's a new way emerging. A way of BEing that which we desire... of presence-ing what appears to be missing. I've been moving in that direction and continue to experience more and more examples that it is a powerful avenue to true transformation and true abundance.

What if we imagined what non-monetary abundance looks like—in our own hearts, minds, families and communities? What if we tapped into our abundant potential and infinite creativity and began to take steps to live it? What if we occupied our deepest dreams?

It's already happening all over the globe. Go see Occupy Love. Catch the vision....especially the unique one that is within you.

And stay tuned for what continues to evolve from mine as I occupy my dream.

Please join me in occupying yours. I'd love to hear what it is and what you notice. And remember... it IS possible.

 The survival and thriving of our species depends on it.

The Illusion of Balance

As we near the Autumnal Equinox this Saturday, I've been reflecting on balance. I often hear myself and others talk about balance as something we strive to attain. It is common to think that once we attain it, we should be able to maintain it as well...as though there is some elusive, static state of balance to arrive at.

Life and nature teach us differently. The time point of the equinox signifies a balance between the hours of light and dark in a day--from the Latin aequus (equal) and nox (night). However, it is a brief point in time ... a passing, literally, of the center of the Sun across the Earth's equator. Most of the year,
we are living in an imbalance of light and dark. So, too, in our lives, there is no "perfect balance" to be attained. As the yin/yang symbol illustrates so beautifully, life is in constant motion.

Living well is about dancing with the complementary energies all around us. There are certainly moments when we experience balance. However, the ever-changing and evolving nature of life means that those moments will pass. When we can let go of the illusion that balance is something to achieve and maintain, it allows for greater ease. By not resisting what is showing up in the moment and simply allowing it to be what it is, we can remember that this, too, will pass.

So, I invite you to notice where you are striving for the illusive "balance" in your life, and simply let it go, accepting that where you are right now is perfect ... and knowing that it will continue to change and evolve. I notice that when I relax and stop beating myself up for not maintaining a perfect balance of work and relaxation, giving to others and self-care, or activity and stillness ... my breath deepens, my shoulders relax, and I am definitely a happier person, regardless of whether I ate or exercised perfectly, got in my ideal "down time," or checked everything off my to-do list!

I'll be celebrating the Equinox this weekend, appreciating the areas of my life where I am feeling balanced, and at the same time, letting go of needing to control or maintain them as such. Life is in constant motion. Let's choose to dance with it!

A client self-care story...and video!

The people I support through my healing practice are amazing individuals. They are taking bold steps, opening to new possibilities, breathing through their fears and finding the courage on the other side of that fear coin. As one of my teachers says, "Fear is simply courage without the breath!"

I was particularly honored that Anthony Scimonelli asked me to serve as his faculty advisor for an independent study. As a student in the Transformative Leadership and Social Change program at Tai Sophia Institute, Anthony was embarking on the Independent Study phase of his learning with a focus on self-care and breaking free from old stories and shoulds about writing and publishing his original music.

Among other learning activities, Anthony came for regular Reiki and Sound Healing sessions, which assisted him in opening to new possibilities and ways of being in his life. He discovered patterns of harshness, striving, and efforting that took a toll on his physical, mental and emotional health. I coached him to partner those patterns with a gentler and more nurturing approach, particularly in how he spoke and related to himself. As he took steps to express his creativity through original music, he broke free from old personal and family stories that he wasn't good enough to perform on his own. It was a joy to watch him move through the fears, create and honor space in his life for music practice, and proudly share the results with me and others.

Anthony is an audiovisual expert by day, and also loves to use those skills in his creative life. So he designed his Independent Study to include a music video chronicling his experience. It is now on YouTube (check it out!) and includes the first song he has recorded on his way to producing an album. Congratulations, Anthony!

I feel fortunate to be doing work that is so deeply rewarding. What a gift to be a companion to Anthony and so many others, as they break free from what is holding them back from bringing their unique and authentic gifts to the world. Kudos to all of them for honoring self-care as an important step to owning, embodying and sharing their gifts with the world.I am humbled and grateful for their trust in me as a partner on the journey.